Is Waiting for the Kids to Leave for College the Best Divorce Strategy? A Attorney Weighs In

A common belief among unhappy couples is that they should wait until their children go away to college before filing for divorce. The intention is often to provide a stable, two-parent home for as long as possible.

However, according to family law attorney Angel Murphy, Esq., this common "waiting strategy" may not be the most appropriate path and could be based on a misconception.

The Problem with "Waiting"

Waiting until children are 18 and off to college is often just "avoiding the inevitable." More importantly, this decision can have unintended negative consequences for the very children you are trying to protect.

Raising children in a household where the parents are at odds, unhappy, or in a loveless environment is often more toxic than the alternative.

The Long-Term Lessons You're Teaching

The environment children grow up in teaches them what to expect from relationships as adults.

• A Loveless Environment: Staying together in an unhappy marriage can normalize this dynamic, teaching your children that it is acceptable for adults to put their own happiness on the back burner.
• A Healthy Alternative: Showing a child that parents can function happily and lovingly in two separate households is often a healthier and more loving thing to do, both for your ex-spouse and for your child.

When making these life-altering decisions, you must be mindful of the long-term values you are instilling in your children.

Divorce Doesn't Have to Be "Dirty"

Many people delay divorce because they fear a contentious, "dirty" legal battle. This does not have to be the case.

If you and your spouse are in agreement that the marriage is over, you can pursue a mutual consent divorce. This process can be handled cleanly and amicably through a marital separation agreement. Such an agreement allows you and your partner to proactively and clearly spell out all the terms for custody and support, providing clarity and stability for the entire family.

Make the Decision for the Right Reasons

The right time to file for divorce is when you and your partner have a conversation that warrants it.

When making this decision, it is crucial to consider the actual best interest of your child, not just what society or others have told you is in their best interest.